Saturday, June 19, 2010

Anyone willing to give suggestions for my story?

On a Friday evenning, Claire Lewis layed sprawled asleep on the family room couch. An couple hours ago, she came home from a grueling volleyball practice very tired and sore. She wanted nothing more than to relax and to take a nap, first stopping to grab a snack from the fridge. Then, she got her wish, as she finally drifted off to sleep on the couch from the soft glow of the television, contrasting gently with the dark room.



Then, all of a sudden, her cellphone blared a consistent beep. Clara was snapped out of her nap, as she sleepily grabbed her cellphone.This better not be another chain letter, she thought, if I found out who's sending those stupid things.... However, it wasn't a chain letter. Instead, it was 3 text messages from 3 people. One was from her best friend Natalie, asking if she's still comming to Jared's party tonight. Another was from her other best friend Nora, asking her why in the hell wasn't she at today's drama club meeting. And the third was from her boyfriend Nathan, notifying that he couldn't go to Jared's party with her because he had to work tonight.



Now she was fully awake. Oh this is just great, she thought, irate. He just blowed me off at the last minute again. What the hell? He just said earlier that he was off for tonight. And now he's saying that he can't go because he has to work???What is going on with him lately??? Weighed down by her thoughts, she felt skepical and suspicious. Lately, he's been acting weird. He hasn't been calling her as much or even said that he loved her anymore. Plus it seemed like he wasn't as interested in her as he used to be, like he was getting sick of her. She felt hurt and rejected, not wanting to even speak with him at the moment.



So instead, she texted her friend Natalie and wrote, " I don't know girl. Nathan just blew me off, telling me that he has to go to work. Wtf?"



A couple minutes later, Natalie texted back.



" Eh, don't worry about it. I'm sure he wanted to go with you but he has to work. Besides, he's a good guy. It aint like he'll sneak around and cheat on you."



After Clara read this, she thought, Yeah.... Wait? why is she always sucking up to him? Does she like him or something? No it can't be...she wouldn't....



Then she replied, " Yeah, maybe you're right. Well I'm still going whether he's comming or not. Can you pick me up?"



" No Problemo. But be ready by 8:30. Because I know how you are."



Clara laughed and then replied, "Hahaha looks who's talking. lol... Well I have to get ready. See ya Nat."



" See ya Claire."



After she texted her friend Nora back and said that she had volleyball practice, she turned off the T.V., went upstairs, and took a shower.



**************************************...



Clara stood in front of the mirror, clad in only a towel. Then, assured by her closed bedroom door, and the vacancy of her home, she took her towel off. She was blessed with good looks overall, with dark brown skin and shoulder length curly hair. Her round face framed her almond shaped ,prominent brown eyes, her full lips, and her nose that responded well to her face. She was curvy, with average stature of 5 feet, 6 inches.



However, her flaw- or the flaws in her opinion- is her stomach. Her stomach was slightly more curvier than the rest of her body, standing out when she sat down. Self consciousness also surrounds her because her butt is somewhat curvy and larger than others. As she examined it, it brought back memories of many guys-even old men, staring at it with lust. She shuddered at the thought. I wish I was thin like Natalie, she thought, as thoughts of envy began to build up in her.



Then, sighing, she continued to get dressed. She slipped into a lace bra and matching underwear. Then she opened her closet and scanned through it to look for something to wear. Deciding on a black lace camisole, skinny dark blue jeans, knee high boots, and her cameo necklace, she got dressed. After she appiled on her makeup and let down her hair, she sat on her window seat, waiting for Natalie.



20 minutes later, she heard a car blow its horn. Finally!, she thought, as she ran down the staircase. After she left a note informing her mother that she'll be at Natalie's house, she grabbed her jacket, walked out the house, and locked her door.



Natalie's vintage convertable sat waiting in the driveway, as Natalie herself leaned against it, enjoying a cigarette. Then she saw Clara, and her eyes shined in envy.



" Damn Clara! It's about time! But at least I can see why you took so long. You look good."



"Thank you." Clara replied



Clara then looked at Natalie, and thought the same about her. Natalie, with her petite body, jet black hair and blue green eyes, was the typical beauty guys were entranced by, like a bright light to the bugs of the night. Her personality also contributed greatly to her exterior beauty, and her outgoing and outspokeness enabled her to make a lot of friends. At first, Clara couldn't see why they've became friends back in 2nd grade, since they were the complete opposite of each other. Clara, being a introverted and sarcastic student athlete, and Natalie, being an outgoing rebel, found each other in Ms. Bledsoe's class. Everysince Natalie asked to borrow a piece of paper, they've been friends everysince.



" Clara? Are you ready to go or what?" Natalie asked, breaking Clara out of her old memories.



"Yeah. Of course I am. Why do you think I'm standing out here?"



So then they both got into Natalie's car, and drove off.



**************************************...



On their way to the party, Natalie and Clara was catching up in their lives and gossip, as laughter occasionally filled the small car along with rock music.



Then, all of a sudden, Clara asked, So where's James?"



Anger shadowed her blue-green eyes, as her content face was replaced with gloom.



"He's already at the party. He says that he'll meet me there."



Noticing Natalie's angry expression on her face, Clara asked, " What happened now? Did y'all get into another fight or something ?"



" No, not really... it was nothing. He was pissed because I was flirting with this one guy. Like he doesn't flirt with other girls!", she lied, not even daring to reveal the truth to her best friend.



Clara regained her suspicious feelings about Natalie for a moment, but was ceased due to her unconditional trust for her. Then, she sighed. Sometimes Natalie could be a little too flirty for her own good, flirting with everything that has a pulse. Flirting led to sex, as she cheated on her ex boyfriend with another guy that she lusted over. But again, her judgement was seriously impaired that night, due to consuming 120 proof of liquor and and strung out on drugs.



Then, knowing that Natalie wanted her to change the subject, Clara asked, " So.... how was drama club today?"



" The same. There was so much drama before we even got to the stage. and Jake asked about you today. And he's comming to the party tonight", she cooed.



Clara rolled her eyes, as her best friend tried to hook her up with Jake for the thousandth time.



" Natalie! You know I have a boyfriend!"



"So? it doesn't hurt to flirt with him....besides... Nathan said he wasn't even comming with you tonight." Natalies eyes flashed with truimph and jealousy Clara didn't catch. " What he doesn't know wouldn't hurt him right?"



Clara thought about this. Just because she's pissed at Nathan for blowing her off doesn't mean I was going to flirt with another guy... A guy that's gorgeous, sweet and funny... but still! I just couldn't.



Then, in response, Clara said, " Whatever Nat."



" You know you like him, she teased, " I see how you've been getting dreamy eyed about him!"



" Yeah, I know I don't."



" You know I'm right, or you wouldn't be fighting it so much!"



"You know you're not."



Natalie threw her bronzed arms in the air and said, " I give up! You're too stubborn to see that I'm right."



" You know you're wrong"



Then it was Natalie's turn to say, " Whatever."



Clara laughed and then turned up the music.



When they finally arrived to the party, Clara saw that loads of people has already showed up. She heard some distinct rap in the background, with a mixture of people's voices inside.



As soon as they walked into Jared's house, Natalie turned to Clara and said, " Um Clara? I'll catch you later. I'm going to find James."



Clara replied, " Okay, but I thought-"



But before she could finish her sentence, Natalie was already lost in a mass of people.



Anyone willing to give suggestions for my story?

So far I love that book did you write it? Whats the title? I mean its awesome but something is missing you should modify it a little at the time I think Clara leaves then its excellent.

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