Does my story sound okay? I need opinions on how it is and what I can change.?

Day One

The steady sound of fingernails drumming on a desk echoed throughout the school lobby. A young girl about the age of seventeen tapped her foot softly as she waited in line. Her waist-length light brown hair was covered up by a cameo green military hat that was tilted a little to the side. She wore a pink airbrushed shirt with a cherry blossom in the bottom right corner, and a pair of dark denim jeans. She pulled her Ipod headphones out of her ears as her turn came up.

The secretary smiled brightly, 閳ユ窏ello, you must be new here.閳?She stated as she handed the girl a small piece of paper. The girl nodded and looked at the paper. She read the paper carefully and then exited the lobby.

As she walked through the hallways of her new school a strong sense of fear washed over her,閳ユ紝hat if this doesn閳ユ獩 work out? What if I stand out to much?閳?she thought to herself with a strong sigh. A young boy about the same age as her looked up from his book just before he ran into the young girl. The boy jumped up and looked around. He stretched his hand out to help the girl up, 閳ユ穾re you okay?閳?he asked with a small smile, 閳ユ窔 am so sorry閳? The girl nodded, 閳ユ窔ts cool.閳?She said as she helped him pick up his books. The boy looked over at her, 閳ユ发y name is Zac閳?he said with a somewhat shaky voice. The girl nodded, 閳ユ发y name is Katherine.閳?br> Zac had dark brown spiky hair and emerald green eyes. He was wearing a white collared long sleeved-shirt and a pair of black jeans. He smiled at Katherine, 閳ユ藩o are you new here?閳?he asked as he walked over to his locker. Katherine nodded, 閳ユ窔 just moved here a few days ago.閳?Zac brushed some of his hair out of his eyes and looked over at Katherine, 閳ユ凡ell Katherine I would like to be the first to welcome you to Certhill High School.閳?He stated with a bow. Katherine chuckled, 閳ユ壕鈧毧ou can call me Kat.閳?She said as she walked away. After she had left Zac leaned against the locker and smiled, 閳ユ窚at閳?he repeated softly.

A few weeks later Katherine walked into the lunch room. She grabbed a tray and looked at the strange substance that the school called food. She grimaced and then put her tray up, 閳ユ窔 guess I am not eating today.閳?She said with a smirk. Kat looked around at all of the different kinds of people that scrambled around the school cafeteria. You had so many stereotypes. There were jocks, cheerleaders, geeks, goths, and people like her and Zac, who were considered normal or average. 閳ユ罚ormal閳ヮ泧 word that is definitely not in my life dictionary閳?she thought to herself.

Kat sighed softly and the started to walk out of the lunch room. She made her way into the gym and saw more people. The cheerleaders were practicing and a few other girls were playing volleyball. One of the cheerleaders sat by the volleyball net criticizing the volleyball players. The cheerleaders went back to their spots and started giggling and pointing at the girls playing volleyball.

Kat walked pass the cheerleaders and before she could reach the bleachers one of the cheerleaders called her over, 閳ユ返ou閳ユ獧e new here aren閳ユ獩 you? Usually I am pretty good at remembering faces.閳?She sated with a perky giggle. Kat nodded, 閳ユ返eah, today is my first day.閳?She said trying to smile.

The cheerleader twirled her strawberry blonde silky hair around her index finger, 閳ユ发y name is Melanie. I am the head cheerleader here at Certhill high.閳?She said with her same peppy voice. Kat nodded, 閳ユ凡hat an achievement.閳?She answered with an annoyed tone. Melanie raised an eyebrow, 閳ユ窊xcuse me? I consider that and achievement.閳?She said with a hand roughly placed on her hip. Kat smirked, 閳ユ伐h please, don閳ユ獩 seem so offended. I just saw you antagonizing those girls.閳?She said pointing to the volleyball players. Melanie glared at Kat, 閳ユ翻he reason I can do that is because I am better than them.閳?She hissed. Kat chuckled, 閳ユ凡hat makes you so much better, your 閳ユ竷heerleading閳?skills? Please doing a few flips is not that hard.閳?She said with a look of frustration on her face.

Melanie smirked, 閳ユ窔f it is so easy I would like to see you do a back flip閳ヮ洉n the floor without using the mini trampoline.閳?She said showing her to the long blue matt. Kat nodded and walked to the beginning of the matt. She placed her hat on the floor and turned around, 閳ユ翻his is a piece of cake compared to some of the other things I have done.閳?She thought to herself. Kat groaned as she saw a crowd gathering in the gym. She took a breath and did back flips down the entire matt, and then ending in a front handspring. She picked up her hat, 閳ユ穾nything else?閳?she asked with a smirk. Melanie frowned, 閳ユ翻hat is no big deal. It is not like I can閳ユ獩 do that.閳?She said with a small smile. One of the other cheerleaders leaned close to her, 閳ユ发el you can閳ユ獩 do that.閳?She whispered. 閳ユ藩hut up!!閳?Melanie yelled as she walked out of the gym.

Zac walked out of the crowd, 閳ユ藩o we have a new cheerleader I presume?閳?he asked with a smirk. Kat shook her head, 閳ユ罚o way am I getting g myself into something like that.閳?She chuckled. Zac nodded, 閳ユ藩o how did you like the food?閳?he asked as the walked over to Kat閳ユ獨 locker. She looked up at him before opening it, 閳ユ窔t was the best darn food I have ever tasted.閳?She answered sarcastically. Kat閳ユ獨 stomach growled and Zac chuckled, 閳ユ窔 guess that says it all.閳?He remarked with a smile. Zac turned towards the door, 閳ユ凡ell, I guess I will see you Monday.閳?He said looking back. Kat nodded, 閳ユ窌uess so.閳?She said as Zac exited the school. Kat leaned against her locker and smiled, 閳ユ翻his wasn閳ユ獩 such a bad first day.閳?She thought to herself .

Does my story sound okay? I need opinions on how it is and what I can change.?

I really love this story. So much imagery and creativity. The only thing i would suggest you alter for this is in indentation for every time someone speaks, and replacing some periods with commas after dialog (like the professionals do) like this:

閳ユ藩hut up!!閳?Melanie yelled as she walked out of the gym.

Zac walked out of the crowd. 閳ユ藩o we have a new cheerleader I presume?閳?he asked with a smirk.

Kat shook her head. 閳ユ罚o way am I getting myself into something like that,閳?she chuckled.

Get it? That's usually how it's done in books; periods and new paragraphs. I guess this explains why some books are so long :)

Does my story sound okay? I need opinions on how it is and what I can change.?

wel impressive but u know wut dont touch it its like u wrote it on a moment of inspiration or somethin dont lose that touch believe me let it be natural spontaneous

Does my story sound okay? I need opinions on how it is and what I can change.?

Good... yea i agree with ethel though....