If you have the patience, please read this novel exerpt here, it's very long but I want your op

"My eyes opened and I realized I was resting on a soft bed. I was covered with a soft baby blue blanket. The birds chirped rhythmically, and the sunlight reflected from the window adjacent from the bed was hurting my eyes. I squinted as I looked upon it, but it really didn't help relieve the pain at all. The pain felt as if I was looking directly at a flashlight. I could easily tell the time of day was morning. I sat up looked around the bedroom, the walls were painted pink, the drawers and bookshelves standing opposite of the window were just as blue as the blanket that I had just pulled off. The room was unfamiliar to me. I wondered how I got here. I could not recall anything that occurred before this present point, nothing at all.

I got out of bed and there was a sound coming from the polished wooden floor. I looked down and saw a silver heart shaped pendant bonded with thin silver chains. I bent over and picked up the locket. It was the size of my thumb, and it shined like precious diamonds in the sunlight behind me. I turned the heart shaped locket and saw a small clasp. I opened the locket and saw a photo of a young woman on the left who seemed to be wearing a purple dress robe. Next to her on the right was a little girl, wearing similar clothing except she wore pink instead of purple. Both of them had long black hair and they were smiling at each other. I glanced at the little girl again, and although the child seemed so cute, she also seemed very familiar. There was a mirror next to the door in between the drawer and the bookshelves. I saw my own reflection in the mirror. I realized that I had black hair just like the two people in the photo, wearing a white T-Shirt and white shorts. I also saw in the mirror that I had no shoes on. Then I looked at the little girl in the picture again. That little girl鈥檚 face and hair are somewhat similar to mine. On the left side of the locket I saw a something printed on the silver metal. The upper left corners of the heart locket were two letters engraved 鈥淟.R鈥?printed on small letters and in the middle of the heart, there was date carved into the locket that said:

20 December 1995

The date on the locket caught my attention. I wondered why the date was even printed there. What happened on that day? Why was it so significant? I also wondered who the young woman is in the photo, and if I was the little girl in the photo. There was a knock on the door, and I almost jumped when I heard it. I watched the door, and remained alert, until seconds later, the door opened. The one who knocked on the door was a young woman, wearing a white dress and I also noticed a white apron she was wearing that seemed to blend in. Her rectangular glasses were completely crooked, it looks as if it was about to fall off her face. Her face was completely dirty, and her crimson hair looked as if it were never brushed for weeks perhaps months. Her emerald eyes came into contact with mine, and said to me in a somewhat timid voice.

鈥淥h, you鈥檙e awake鈥?br>

I continued to stare at her, and said nothing.

鈥淲hat鈥檚 your name?鈥?said the woman, smiling lightly 鈥淢y name is Solana Frosty.鈥?br>

Unfortunately I didn鈥檛 have an answer to that question. I felt pretty stupid not knowing my own name, so I remained silent and continued to gaze at her.

鈥淯m, you don鈥檛 talk much do you?鈥?said Solana, timidly. 鈥淢y daughter Aiyana found you in the forest out cold so we took you in our home and we kept you warm and placed you in her room. Um鈥?. Are you feeling okay?鈥?br>

I nodded lightly, and whispered.

鈥淵es鈥?br>

鈥淚鈥檓 glad to hear it!鈥?said Solana, smiling brightly. 鈥淐ome downstairs, I made some breakfast. When you finished eating we can call your parents. How old are you by the way?鈥?br>

鈥淭-Tw-Twelve鈥?I answered a little unsure of myself.

鈥淥h that鈥檚 great!鈥?Said Solana insecurely 鈥淎iyana is just about you age- Well, perhaps. She鈥檒l be turning twelve in a few days, so I鈥檓 sure you two would get along just fine. Now please come downstairs for some breakfast. I didn鈥檛 expect you to be awake at this time. After breakfast we鈥檒l call your parents, they must be worried sick about you. So we鈥檒l just let them know that you鈥檙e okay鈥?br>

Solana turned around and left. Seconds later, I got up off the floor, where I was sitting, left the room and went down the stairs. After I reached the first floor, I heard a voice calling to me.

鈥淗ey, come over here! Come in the kitchen鈥?br>

I turned to where the voice is coming from. It was Solana and another girl who had long scarlet hair just like Solana鈥檚 in a kitchen. I walked inside the kitchen where the girl sat at a circular wooden table that was near a corner of the kitchen. The table had a large plate with a layer of pancakes on a plate and a bottle of maple syrup sitting there. I gagged at the odor of burnt food. The sink next to me was piled with dirty dishes. There were shards of broken glass on the white tile floors. I almost stepped on them, while I was still barefoot. Solana was near an oven holding a silver metal spatula, jumping and shrieking hysterically trying to put out the flames that bloomed from the stove just a second ago. I sat at the table where the girl sat. I gazed at her for a moment. The girl looked back at me and grinned.

鈥淥h hello,鈥?She said quickly, 鈥淒on鈥檛 mind my Mom, she鈥檚 very clumsy when it comes to housekeeping. As you can see, she鈥檚 not always the best cook. Although she鈥檚 very clumsy and careless, she has her moments. She鈥檚 only like this when she鈥檚 stressed out. It鈥檚 very typical for adults. Other than that she鈥檚 a great cook. Oh, I鈥檓 so sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I鈥檓 Aiyana.鈥?br>

Aiyana reached out her right hand towards me.

I looked at her hand. I wondered what she made that gesture for. I continued to stare at it.

鈥淲hat鈥檚 your name鈥?She asked.

My eyes were drawn from her hand to her face. It鈥檚 that question again. I was gnawing my bottom lip, trying hard to remember, but it was impossible. I gave Aiyana a light shrug. Aiyana frowned.

鈥淚 tried asking her the same thing,鈥?said Solana finally finished extinguishing the flames on the stove, 鈥渂ut she wouldn鈥檛 tell me. She must be shy, let鈥檚 give her some time to relax a bit. Aiyana pumpkin, go to the living room and find the phone. I think it鈥檚 time we call her parents. And turn on the computer on your way back here, and look up something on missing children鈥?br>

Aiyana looked at her mother and nodded. She got up off her chair and left the kitchen. Now my attention is drawn to Solana, who smiled at me, placed some pancakes on the plate in front of me and said,

鈥淧lease eat some pancakes, they鈥檙e really tasty. I don鈥檛 want you to go hungry. I鈥檒l give you a fork and a glass of orange juice.鈥?br>

Solana handed me a silver metal fork. She also grasped the bottle of maple syrup and poured its sticky brown contents on the plate of pancakes. I looked down to examine them.

鈥淗mm,鈥?said Solana. 鈥淚t seems that you have never tasted pancakes before. Just cut a piece off and eat it.鈥?

I looked up at Solana once more, remembering what Aiyana told me earlier, that she isn鈥檛 always the best cook. I assumed that these pancakes of hers would not taste very pleasant. I thought of Solana as a very kind person and the last thing I wanted to do is offend her. With my assumption set aside, I grabbed the fork. I cut off a piece of the pancake and placed it into my open mouth. I chewed slowly to. The food was soft and tasted sugary. While eating it I had this pleasant feeling, I assumed that the pancakes would taste horrible, but it was the opposite. I looked up at Solana again and smiled. Solana smiled back at me.

鈥淚鈥檓 glad you like it鈥?She said sweetly. 鈥淲ould you like some orange juice? You鈥檒l like this one, very natural.

Solana went to the refrigerator at the other side of the kitchen. She opened the door on the right. Reached in and pulled out a pitcher of some kind of yellowish substance, then she closed the door and placed the pitcher on the counter. She reached for the cupboard next to refrigerator for a clear glass cup. She took a cup from the cupboard and placed it on the counter as well. She poured the orange juice from the pitcher into the glass cup, and handed it to me. I looked into the cup of orange juice and saw something lumpy, there seems to be some foreign material inside.

鈥淥h don鈥檛 worry about the stuff in there,鈥?said Solana sweetly 鈥淭hat鈥檚 just the pulp, dear. It鈥檚 natural orange juice. The pulp happens to be very healthy. Go on just drink it!鈥?br>

I took a small sip of orange juice, despite the uncomfortable pulp rushing into my lips. It tasted pretty good.

Aiyana has just arrived in the kitchen holding a white cordless phone and handed it to me. I looked down at the phone, then who looked up at Solana, who nodded. I looked down at the phone again and pushed the green call button. There was a loud dial tone. I remained still trying to decide what button to press. The left side of my head ached. Random thoughts swirled into my head. I shut off the phone and placed it on the table. Aiyana and Solana exchanged looks, and then looked at me again.

鈥淓rm鈥︹€?said Solana nervously, 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 know your parents鈥?phone number?鈥?br> I shook my head lightly. Solana frowned.

鈥淯m鈥?okay鈥?she said, 鈥淲hat about parent last name?鈥?br>

I shrugged. Solana sighed.

鈥淲ow,鈥?said Aiyana, quickly, 鈥測ou must not remember anything at all. Mom, I think she has amnesia鈥?

I looked down at my feet and sighed. My entire face contracted and I clenched my fists firmly as if I was squeezing something. I took three slow deep breaths. Solana kneeled down next to me. I looked at her then she smiled sweetly.

鈥淥h, No worries,鈥?She said kindheartedly, 鈥測ou will get you memories back soon. You can stay with us if you鈥檇 like, if it鈥檚 okay with Aiyana, you can sleep in her room. Aiyana, take this girl to the office upstairs. You are going to the missing child registry. You are not to go on any other site. We are doing this to help her find her parents and pick up any information about her., not shop for 鈥渃ute boys鈥?on the internet. Do I make myself clear, young lady?鈥?br> Aiyana鈥檚 face turned red.

鈥淚 do NOT look at boys.鈥?She shouted, in an astounded tone 鈥淯gh, oh whatever.鈥?br>

Aiyana turned around and quickly left the kitchen. Then suddenly she stopped and turned to look at me.

鈥淲ell?鈥?she said, 鈥淎re you coming?鈥?

I got up and followed Aiyana up the stairs and into a hallway. We stopped at a door that was right next to Aiyana鈥檚 room. She opened it, and hit the switch, which caused the light to turn on. I felt slightly uncomfortable when I saw the room. The office is even messier than the kitchen. There were open books, open folders, and loose papers, most of them on the floor. The desk was cluttered with papers. The black chair seemed to have fallen over, with its back to the floor. The file cabinet in the very back of the room had all of its drawers open and it also seem to have tipped over. The fan on the ceiling was twirling at a rapid pace. If it wasn鈥檛 swinging and rocking so violently, it would have spun a little bit faster.

Aiyana was the first person to enter the office. She walked to the desk and pushed away some papers resting on it. Under the papers was a small black square, which had the logo 鈥淚n-Tech鈥?printed on it. She opened it. She also found some cords on the floor, and connected them to the machine. I walked into the office and sat on the floor. Aiyana looked at me and laughed.

鈥淒on鈥檛 mind this room either,鈥?she said, 鈥淢y mom is a journalist. A much respected one I might add. She鈥檚 a very messy person, as you can see. She鈥檇 clean the place up if she weren鈥檛 too busy with her deadlines, and her stories. She鈥檇 hire a maid to clean from time to time.鈥?

It took several minutes to set up the machine. She placed the chair into its proper position. She turned it on the machine, and turned to me once more.

鈥淕o on鈥?she said sweetly, 鈥淪it down.

I got up off the floor and sat on the chair. The machine Aiyana was setting up was actually a laptop computer. We finally reached the website, childregistry.gov. The arrow on the screen moved around slowly until it stopped on a link that said. Missing children.

If you have the patience, please read this novel exerpt here, it's very long but I want your opinion!?

Ah, you expanded on it a little more. It's still good:)

I like how you had Solana read Aiyana the riot act about what she was NOT supposed to do on the computer:) LOL As before, the content is very good and the descriptions are wonderful. I love the descriptions. Normally, I can follow a story without many descriptions, but in this case, they set the atmosphere. The main character appears to have amnesia and because of it, many things everyone else takes for granted are new to her. Describing them in detail drives that point home and reminds the reader of the girl's condition.

You might want to describe the laptop a little more and don't actually call it a laptop, unless perhaps Aiyana sees her looking at it and informs her it's a laptop. Confirming it's a laptop while doing the first person narration indicates that maybe the main character isn't suffering from amnesia quite as badly, so it's a bit of a contradiction.

I'd also like to commend you on writing in the first person. I used to use first person narration when writing stories, but didn't have the patience for it. Third person is more my style, so I admire anyone who can write first person and pull it off successfully.

Keep up the good work!

If you have the patience, please read this novel exerpt here, it's very long but I want your opinion!?

Beutiful

If you have the patience, please read this novel exerpt here, it's very long but I want your opinion!?

i think that it is good and i would love to read more.

If you have the patience, please read this novel exerpt here, it's very long but I want your opinion!?

It sounds like a very interesting story about a little girl with amnesia trying to figure out how and why she got where she is. It sounds like a book I could get in to reading. Mystery is always fun.

If you have the patience, please read this novel exerpt here, it's very long but I want your opinion!?

i really love the way you explain every nick and corner of the room and all...its almost like i am watching the scene.

Very nice.. =)

if u r writing a novel,and if u publish it, i would love to buy your book! =)

If you have the patience, please read this novel exerpt here, it's very long but I want your opinion!?

yeah, i like it

I wrote this story and I'm wondering what you think?

"My eyes opened and I realized I was resting on a soft bed. I was covered with a soft baby blue blanket. The birds chirped rhythmically, and the sunlight reflected from the window adjacent from the bed was hurting my eyes. I squinted as I looked upon it, but it really didn't help relieve the pain at all. The pain felt as if I was looking directly at a flashlight. I could easily tell the time of day was morning. I sat up looked around the bedroom, the walls were painted pink, the drawers and bookshelves standing opposite of the window were just as blue as the blanket that I had just pulled off. The room was unfamiliar to me. I wondered how I got here. I could not recall anything that occurred before this present point, nothing at all.

I got out of bed and there was a sound coming from the polished wooden floor. I looked down and saw a silver heart shaped pendant bonded with thin silver chains. I bent over and picked up the locket. It was the size of my thumb, and it shined like precious diamonds in the sunlight behind me. I turned the heart shaped locket and saw a small clasp. I opened the locket and saw a photo of a young woman on the left who seemed to be wearing a purple dress robe. Next to her on the right was a little girl, wearing similar clothing except she wore pink instead of purple. Both of them had long black hair and they were smiling at each other. I glanced at the little girl again, and although the child seemed so cute, she also seemed very familiar. There was a mirror next to the door in between the drawer and the bookshelves. I saw my own reflection in the mirror. I realized that I had black hair just like the two people in the photo, wearing a white T-Shirt and white shorts. I also saw in the mirror that I had no shoes on. Then I looked at the little girl in the picture again. That little girl鈥檚 face and hair are somewhat similar to mine. On the left side of the locket I saw a something printed on the silver metal. The upper left corner of the heart locket were two letters engraved 鈥淟.R鈥?printed on small letters and in the middle of the heart, there was date carved into the locket that said:

20 December 1995

The date on the locket caught my attention. I wondered why the date was even printed there. What happened on that day? Why was it so significant? I also wondered who the young woman is in the photo, and if I was the little girl in the photo. There was a knock on the door, and I almost jumped when I heard it. I watched the door, and remained alert, until seconds later, the door opened. The one who knocked on the door was a young woman, wearing a white dress and I also noticed a white apron she was wearing that seemed to blend in. Her rectangular glasses were completely crooked, it looks as if it was about to fall off her face. Her face was completely dirty, and her crimson hair looked as if it were never brushed for weeks perhaps months. Her emerald eyes came into contact with mine, and said to me in a somewhat timid voice.

鈥淗ello, you鈥檙e awake鈥?br>

I continued to stare at her, and said nothing.

鈥淲hat鈥檚 your name?鈥?said the woman, smiling lightly 鈥淢y name is Solana Frosty.鈥?br>

Unfortunately I didn鈥檛 have an answer to that question. I felt pretty stupid not knowing my own name, so I remained silent and continued to gaze at her.

鈥淯m, you don鈥檛 talk much do you?鈥?said Solana, timidly. 鈥淢y daughter Aiyana found you in the forest out cold so we took you in our home and we kept you warm and placed you in her room. Um鈥?. Are you feeling okay?鈥?br>

I nodded lightly, and whispered.

鈥淵es鈥?br>

鈥淚鈥檓 glad to hear it!鈥?said Solana, smiling brightly. 鈥淐ome downstairs, I made some breakfast. When you finished eating we can call your parents. How old are you by the way?鈥?br>

鈥淭-Tw-Twelve鈥?I answered a little unsure of myself.

鈥淥h that鈥檚 great!鈥?Said Solana insecurely 鈥淎iyana is just about you age- Well, perhaps. She鈥檒l be turning twelve in a few days, so I鈥檓 sure you two would get along just fine. Now please come downstairs for some breakfast. I didn鈥檛 expect you to be awake at this time. After breakfast we鈥檒l call your parents, they must be worried sick about you. So we鈥檒l just let them know that you鈥檙e okay鈥?br>

Solana turned around and left. Seconds later, I got up off the floor, where I was sitting, left the room and went down the stairs. After I reached the first floor, I heard a voice calling to me.

鈥淗ey, come over here! Come in the kitchen鈥?br>

I turned to where the voice is coming from. It was Solana and another girl who had long scarlet hair just like Solana鈥檚 in a kitchen. I walked inside the kitchen where the girl sat at a circular wooden table that was near a corner of the kitchen. The table had a large plate with a layer of pancakes on a plate and a bottle of maple syrup sitting there. I gagged at the odor of burnt food. The sink next to me was piled with dirty dishes. There were shards of broken glass on the white tile floors. I almost stepped on them, while I was still barefoot. Solana was near an oven holding a silver metal spatula, jumping and shrieking hysterically trying to put out the flames that bloomed from the stove just a second ago. I sat at the table where the girl sat. I gazed at her for a moment. The girl looked back at me and grinned.

鈥淥h hello,鈥?She said quickly, 鈥淒on鈥檛 mind my Mom, she鈥檚 very clumsy when it comes to housekeeping. As you can see, she鈥檚 not always the best cook. Although she鈥檚 very clumsy and careless, she has her moments. She鈥檚 only like this when she鈥檚 stressed out. It鈥檚 very typical for adults. Other than that she鈥檚 a great cook. Oh, I鈥檓 so sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I鈥檓 Aiyana.鈥?br>

Aiyana reached out her right hand towards me.

I looked at her hand. I wondered what she made that gesture for. I continued to stare at it.

鈥淲hat鈥檚 your name鈥?She asked.

My eyes were drawn from her hand to her face. It鈥檚 that question again. I was gnawing my bottom lip, trying hard to remember, but it was impossible. I gave Aiyana a light shrug. Aiyana frowned.

鈥淚 tried asking her the same thing,鈥?said Solana finally finished extinguishing the flames on the stove, 鈥渂ut she wouldn鈥檛 tell me. She must be shy, let鈥檚 give her some time to relax a bit. Aiyana pumpkin, go to the living room and find the phone. I think it鈥檚 time we call her parents. And turn on the computer on your way back here, and look up something on missing children鈥?br>

Aiyana looked at her mother and nodded. She got up off her chair and left the kitchen. Now my attention is drawn to Solana, who smiled at me, placed some pancakes on the plate in front of me and said,

鈥淧lease eat some pancakes, they鈥檙e really tasty. I don鈥檛 want you to go hungry. I鈥檒l give you a fork and a glass of orange juice.鈥?br>

Solana handed me a silver metal fork. She also grasped the bottle of maple syrup and poured its sticky brown contents on the plate of pancakes. I looked down to examine them.

鈥淗mm,鈥?said Solana. 鈥淚t seems that you have never tasted pancakes before. Just cut a piece off and eat it.鈥?

I looked up at Solana once more, remembering what Aiyana told me earlier, that she isn鈥檛 always the best cook. I assumed that these pancakes of hers would not taste very pleasant. I thought of Solana as a very kind person and the last thing I wanted to do is offend her. With my assumption set aside, I grabbed the fork. I cut off a piece of the pancake and placed it into my open mouth. I chewed slowly to. The food was soft and tasted sugary. While eating it I had this pleasant feeling, I assumed that the pancakes would taste horrible, but it was the opposite. I looked up at Solana again and smiled. Solana smiled back at me.

鈥淚鈥檓 glad you like it鈥?She said sweetly. 鈥淲ould you like some orange juice? You鈥檒l like this one, very natural.

Solana went to the refrigerator at the other side of the kitchen. She opened the door on the right. Reached in and pulled out a pitcher of some kind of yellowish substance, then she closed the door and placed the pitcher on the counter. She reached for the cupboard next to refrigerator for a clear glass cup. She took a cup from the cupboard and placed it on the counter as well. She poured the orange juice from the pitcher into the glass cup, and handed it to me. I looked into the cup of orange juice and saw something lumpy, there seems to be some foreign material inside.

鈥淥h don鈥檛 worry about the stuff in there,鈥?said Solana sweetly 鈥淭hat鈥檚 just the pulp, dear. It鈥檚 natural orange juice. The pulp happens to be very healthy. Go on just drink it!鈥?br>

I took a small sip of orange juice, despite the uncomfortable pulp rushing into my lips. It tasted pretty good.

Aiyana has just arrived in the kitchen holding a white cordless phone and handed it to me. I looked down at the phone, then who looked up at Solana, who nodded. I looked down at the phone again and pushed the green call button. There was a loud dial tone. I remained still trying to decide what button to press. The left side of my head ached. Random thoughts swirled into my head. I shut off the phone and placed it on the table. Aiyana and Solana exchanged looks, and then looked at me again.

鈥淓rm鈥︹€?said Solana nervously, 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 know your parents鈥?phone number?鈥?br> I shook my head lightly. Solana frowned.

鈥淯m鈥?okay鈥?she said, 鈥淲hat about parent last name?鈥?br>

I shrugged. Solana sighed.

鈥淲ow,鈥?said Aiyana, quickly, 鈥測ou must not remember anything at all. Mom I think she has amnesia鈥?

I looked down at my feet and sighed. My entire face contracted and I clenched my fists firmly as if I was squeezing something. I took three slow deep breaths. Solana kneeled down next to me. I looked at her then she smiled sweetly.

鈥淥h, No worries,鈥?She said kindheartedly, 鈥測ou will get you memories back soon. You can stay with us if you鈥檇 like, if it鈥檚 okay with Aiyana, you can sleep in her room. Aiyana, take this girl to the office upstairs. You are going to the missing child registry. You are not to go on any other site. We are doing this to assist her, not shop for 鈥渃ute boys鈥?on the internet. Do I make myself clear, young lady? 鈥?br>

鈥淥h come on, mom鈥?Scoffed Aiyana. 鈥淚 do not 鈥榮hop鈥?for boys.鈥?br>

I looked at Aiyana and laughed silently.

I wrote this story and I'm wondering what you think?

Are you writing for class? It's pretty good. Are you in JC? Easy reading, easy imagine, I think you are off to a great start. Good Luck

I wrote this story and I'm wondering what you think?

no way in hell that i am reading all of that...well looking at that size, i will say its good.

I wrote this story and I'm wondering what you think?

it's good but is there and ending to it?

I need your opinions on this story that I wrote. ITS VERY LONG. You dont have to read it all just sk

"My eyes opened and I realized I was resting on a soft bed. I was covered with a soft baby blue blanket. The birds chirped rhythmically, and the sunlight reflected from the window adjacent from the bed was hurting my eyes. I squinted as I looked upon it, but it really didn't help relieve the pain at all. The pain felt as if I was looking directly at a flashlight. I could easily tell the time of day was morning. I sat up looked around the bedroom, the walls were painted pink, the drawers and bookshelves standing opposite of the window were just as blue as the blanket that I had just pulled off. The room was unfamiliar to me. I wondered how I got here. I could not recall anything that occurred before this present point, nothing at all.

I got out of bed and there was a sound coming from the polished wooden floor. I looked down and saw a silver heart shaped pendant bonded with thin silver chains. I bent over and picked up the locket. It was the size of my thumb, and it shined like precious diamonds in the sunlight behind me. I turned the heart shaped locket and saw a small clasp. I opened the locket and saw a photo of a young woman on the left who seemed to be wearing a purple dress robe. Next to her on the right was a little girl, wearing similar clothing except she wore pink instead of purple. Both of them had long black hair and they were smiling at each other. I glanced at the little girl again, and although the child seemed so cute, she also seemed very familiar. There was a mirror next to the door in between the drawer and the bookshelves. I saw my own reflection in the mirror. I realized that I had black hair just like the two people in the photo, wearing a white T-Shirt and white shorts. I also saw in the mirror that I had no shoes on. Then I looked at the little girl in the picture again. That little girl鈥檚 face and hair are somewhat similar to mine. On the left side of the locket I saw a something printed on the silver metal. The upper left corners of the heart locket were two letters engraved 鈥淟.R鈥?printed on small letters and in the middle of the heart, there was date carved into the locket that said:

20 December 1995

The date on the locket caught my attention. I wondered why the date was even printed there. What happened on that day? Why was it so significant? I also wondered who the young woman is in the photo, and if I was the little girl in the photo. There was a knock on the door, and I almost jumped when I heard it. I watched the door, and remained alert, until seconds later, the door opened. The one who knocked on the door was a young woman, wearing a white dress and I also noticed a white apron she was wearing that seemed to blend in. Her rectangular glasses were completely crooked, it looks as if it was about to fall off her face. Her face was completely dirty, and her crimson hair looked as if it were never brushed for weeks perhaps months. Her emerald eyes came into contact with mine, and said to me in a somewhat timid voice.

鈥淥h, you鈥檙e awake鈥?br>

I continued to stare at her, and said nothing.

鈥淲hat鈥檚 your name?鈥?said the woman, smiling lightly 鈥淢y name is Solana Frosty.鈥?br>

Unfortunately I didn鈥檛 have an answer to that question. I felt pretty stupid not knowing my own name, so I remained silent and continued to gaze at her.

鈥淯m, you don鈥檛 talk much do you?鈥?said Solana, timidly. 鈥淢y daughter Aiyana found you in the forest out cold so we took you in our home and we kept you warm and placed you in her room. Um鈥?. Are you feeling okay?鈥?br>

I nodded lightly, and whispered.

鈥淵es鈥?br>

鈥淚鈥檓 glad to hear it!鈥?said Solana, smiling brightly. 鈥淐ome downstairs, I made some breakfast. When you finished eating we can call your parents. How old are you by the way?鈥?br>

鈥淭-Tw-Twelve鈥?I answered a little unsure of myself.

鈥淥h that鈥檚 great!鈥?Said Solana insecurely 鈥淎iyana is just about you age- Well, perhaps. She鈥檒l be turning twelve in a few days, so I鈥檓 sure you two would get along just fine. Now please come downstairs for some breakfast. I didn鈥檛 expect you to be awake at this time. After breakfast we鈥檒l call your parents, they must be worried sick about you. So we鈥檒l just let them know that you鈥檙e okay鈥?br>

Solana turned around and left. Seconds later, I got up off the floor, where I was sitting, left the room and went down the stairs. After I reached the first floor, I heard a voice calling to me.

鈥淗ey, come over here! Come in the kitchen鈥?br>

I turned to where the voice is coming from. It was Solana and another girl who had long scarlet hair just like Solana鈥檚 in a kitchen. I walked inside the kitchen where the girl sat at a circular wooden table that was near a corner of the kitchen. The table had a large plate with a layer of pancakes on a plate and a bottle of maple syrup sitting there. I gagged at the odor of burnt food. The sink next to me was piled with dirty dishes. There were shards of broken glass on the white tile floors. I almost stepped on them, while I was still barefoot. Solana was near an oven holding a silver metal spatula, jumping and shrieking hysterically trying to put out the flames that bloomed from the stove just a second ago. I sat at the table where the girl sat. I gazed at her for a moment. The girl looked back at me and grinned.

鈥淥h hello,鈥?She said quickly, 鈥淒on鈥檛 mind my Mom, she鈥檚 very clumsy when it comes to housekeeping. As you can see, she鈥檚 not always the best cook. Although she鈥檚 very clumsy and careless, she has her moments. She鈥檚 only like this when she鈥檚 stressed out. It鈥檚 very typical for adults. Other than that she鈥檚 a great cook. Oh, I鈥檓 so sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I鈥檓 Aiyana.鈥?br>

Aiyana reached out her right hand towards me.

I looked at her hand. I wondered what she made that gesture for. I continued to stare at it.

鈥淲hat鈥檚 your name鈥?She asked.

My eyes were drawn from her hand to her face. It鈥檚 that question again. I was gnawing my bottom lip, trying hard to remember, but it was impossible. I gave Aiyana a light shrug. Aiyana frowned.

鈥淚 tried asking her the same thing,鈥?said Solana finally finished extinguishing the flames on the stove, 鈥渂ut she wouldn鈥檛 tell me. She must be shy, let鈥檚 give her some time to relax a bit. Aiyana pumpkin, go to the living room and find the phone. I think it鈥檚 time we call her parents. And turn on the computer on your way back here, and look up something on missing children鈥?br>

Aiyana looked at her mother and nodded. She got up off her chair and left the kitchen. Now my attention is drawn to Solana, who smiled at me, placed some pancakes on the plate in front of me and said,

鈥淧lease eat some pancakes, they鈥檙e really tasty. I don鈥檛 want you to go hungry. I鈥檒l give you a fork and a glass of orange juice.鈥?br>

Solana handed me a silver metal fork. She also grasped the bottle of maple syrup and poured its sticky brown contents on the plate of pancakes. I looked down to examine them.

鈥淗mm,鈥?said Solana. 鈥淚t seems that you have never tasted pancakes before. Just cut a piece off and eat it.鈥?

I looked up at Solana once more, remembering what Aiyana told me earlier, that she isn鈥檛 always the best cook. I assumed that these pancakes of hers would not taste very pleasant. I thought of Solana as a very kind person and the last thing I wanted to do is offend her. With my assumption set aside, I grabbed the fork. I cut off a piece of the pancake and placed it into my open mouth. I chewed slowly to. The food was soft and tasted sugary. While eating it I had this pleasant feeling, I assumed that the pancakes would taste horrible, but it was the opposite. I looked up at Solana again and smiled. Solana smiled back at me.

鈥淚鈥檓 glad you like it鈥?She said sweetly. 鈥淲ould you like some orange juice? You鈥檒l like this one, very natural.

Solana went to the refrigerator at the other side of the kitchen. She opened the door on the right. Reached in and pulled out a pitcher of some kind of yellowish substance, then she closed the door and placed the pitcher on the counter. She reached for the cupboard next to refrigerator for a clear glass cup. She took a cup from the cupboard and placed it on the counter as well. She poured the orange juice from the pitcher into the glass cup, and handed it to me. I looked into the cup of orange juice and saw something lumpy, there seems to be some foreign material inside.

鈥淥h don鈥檛 worry about the stuff in there,鈥?said Solana sweetly 鈥淭hat鈥檚 just the pulp, dear. It鈥檚 natural orange juice. The pulp happens to be very healthy. Go on just drink it!鈥?br>

I took a small sip of orange juice, despite the uncomfortable pulp rushing into my lips. It tasted pretty good.

Aiyana has just arrived in the kitchen holding a white cordless phone and handed it to me. I looked down at the phone, then who looked up at Solana, who nodded. I looked down at the phone again and pushed the green call button. There was a loud dial tone. I remained still trying to decide what button to press. The left side of my head ached. Random thoughts swirled into my head. I shut off the phone and placed it on the table. Aiyana and Solana exchanged looks, and then looked at me again.

鈥淓rm鈥︹€?said Solana nervously, 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 know your parents鈥?phone number?鈥?br> I shook my head lightly. Solana frowned.

鈥淯m鈥?okay鈥?she said, 鈥淲hat about parent last name?鈥?br>

I shrugged. Solana sighed.

鈥淲ow,鈥?said Aiyana, quickly, 鈥測ou must not remember anything at all. Mom, I think she has amnesia鈥?

I looked down at my feet and sighed. My entire face contracted and I clenched my fists firmly as if I was squeezing something. I took three slow deep breaths. Solana kneeled down next to me. I looked at her then she smiled sweetly.

鈥淥h, No worries,鈥?She said kindheartedly, 鈥測ou will get you memories back soon. You can stay with us if you鈥檇 like, if it鈥檚 okay with Aiyana, you can sleep in her room. Aiyana, take this girl to the office upstairs. You are going to the missing child registry. You are not to go on any other site. We are doing this to help her find her parents and pick up any information about her., not shop for 鈥渃ute boys鈥?on the internet. Do I make myself clear, young lady?鈥?br> Aiyana鈥檚 face turned red.

鈥淚 do NOT look at boys.鈥?She shouted, in an astounded tone 鈥淯gh, oh whatever.鈥?br>

Aiyana turned around and quickly left the kitchen. Then suddenly she stopped and turned to look at me.

鈥淲ell?鈥?she said, 鈥淎re you coming?鈥?

I got up and followed Aiyana up the stairs and into a hallway. We stopped at a door that was right next to Aiyana鈥檚 room. She opened it, and hit the switch, which caused the light to turn on. I felt slightly uncomfortable when I saw the room. The office is even messier than the kitchen. There were open books, open folders, and loose papers, most of them on the floor. The desk was cluttered with papers. The black chair seemed to have fallen over, with its back to the floor. The file cabinet in the very back of the room had all of its drawers open and it also seem to have tipped over. The fan on the ceiling was twirling at a rapid pace. If it wasn鈥檛 swinging and rocking so violently, it would have spun a little bit faster.

Aiyana was the first person to enter the office. She walked to the desk and pushed away some papers resting on it. Under the papers was a small black square, which had the logo 鈥淚n-Tech鈥?printed on it. She opened it. She also found some cords on the floor, and connected them to the machine. I walked into the office and sat on the floor. Aiyana looked at me and laughed.

鈥淒on鈥檛 mind this room either,鈥?she said, 鈥淢y mom is a journalist. A much respected one I might add. She鈥檚 a very messy person, as you can see. She鈥檇 clean the place up if she weren鈥檛 too busy with her deadlines, and her stories. She鈥檇 hire a maid to clean from time to time.鈥?

It took several minutes to set up the machine. She placed the chair into its proper position. She turned it on the machine, and turned to me once more.

鈥淕o on鈥?she said sweetly, 鈥淪it down.

I got up off the floor and sat on the chair. The machine Aiyana was setting up was actually a laptop computer. We finally reached the website, childregistry.gov. The arrow on the screen moved around slowly until it stopped on a link that said Missing children that was written in bold letters.

I need your opinions on this story that I wrote. ITS VERY LONG. You dont have to read it all just skim.?

WOW! Chick that's some good stuff. It was suspencful and kept me wondering what was gonna happen next. Like is the girl's memory ever gonna come back? Is she gonna get reunited with her parents? That's really good work and I like your writing style. Its easy to follow and understand. I wanna know where I can get more of this story from heck, I'd buy the book.

I need your opinions on this story that I wrote. ITS VERY LONG. You dont have to read it all just skim.?

long and I saw the word pancake

I need your opinions on this story that I wrote. ITS VERY LONG. You dont have to read it all just skim.?

You yourself is a BEST STORY !!!

I need your opinions on this story that I wrote. ITS VERY LONG. You dont have to read it all just skim.?

yer setnces are too disjunct, invert some of them, words should flow, not be so consctructed (or at least not seem that way)

if you look at a piece of music its VERY structured, but when u listen to classical music you hear a fluid piece. one without apparent boundaries (even though there are many)

that makes it easy to read and seem more like a stream of conciousness, and makes it more enjoyable to me at least

I need your opinions on this story that I wrote. ITS VERY LONG. You dont have to read it all just skim.?

The beginning is a little confusing, when she wakes up its almost like she thinks she should be there, then you have no idea why the woman that is speaking to her is a stranger. I would put some things in about how she had never been in the room before and it was strange, something like that just to clarify! Other than that, it really catches your attention, you did a great job of character development, I feel sorry for the little girl and hope she finds her way home! All in all, great flow of writing style, good description of the kitchen and characters, would love to find out what happens next! Good luck!

I need your opinions on this story that I wrote. ITS VERY LONG. You dont have to read it all just skim.?

The beginning descriptive narration has many repetative words. You should also find other adjectives besides colors, or use more unique ones.

You often reuse the same sentance structure.

I walked here. She did this.

Try some more variation:

With a flick of his fingers, the cigarette lit.

Her delicious pancakes she cared for lovingly in the pan, so that they would match the golden morning.

Violet, the mother's color, calmed the naive and bright nature of her daughter's pink dress.

I need your opinions on this story that I wrote. ITS VERY LONG. You dont have to read it all just skim.?

I would have read it all, but I didn't have time. You were very descriptive and grabbed my interest at once. You seemed to have repetitive sentence structure, and made part of it a little draggish. I think with a little work and revision, you can make a great story.

If you have the patience, please read this story that I wrote! I know it's long. But tell me wh

"My eyes opened and I realized I was resting on a soft bed. I was covered with a soft baby blue blanket. The birds chirped rhythmically, and the sunlight reflected from the window adjacent from the bed was hurting my eyes. I squinted as I looked upon it, but it really didn't help relieve the pain at all. The pain felt as if I was looking directly at a flashlight. I could easily tell the time of day was morning. I sat up looked around the bedroom, the walls were painted pink, the drawers and bookshelves standing opposite of the window were just as blue as the blanket that I had just pulled off. The room was unfamiliar to me. I wondered how I got here. I could not recall anything that occurred before this present point, nothing at all.

I got out of bed and there was a sound coming from the polished wooden floor. I looked down and saw a silver heart shaped pendant bonded with thin silver chains. I bent over and picked up the locket. It was the size of my thumb, and it shined like precious diamonds in the sunlight behind me. I turned the heart shaped locket and saw a small clasp. I opened the locket and saw a photo of a young woman on the left who seemed to be wearing a purple dress robe. Next to her on the right was a little girl, wearing similar clothing except she wore pink instead of purple. Both of them had long black hair and they were smiling at each other. I glanced at the little girl again, and although the child seemed so cute, she also seemed very familiar. There was a mirror next to the door in between the drawer and the bookshelves. I saw my own reflection in the mirror. I realized that I had black hair just like the two people in the photo, wearing a white T-Shirt and white shorts. I also saw in the mirror that I had no shoes on. Then I looked at the little girl in the picture again. That little girl鈥檚 face and hair are somewhat similar to mine. On the left side of the locket I saw a something printed on the silver metal. The upper left corners of the heart locket were two letters engraved 鈥淟.R鈥?printed on small letters and in the middle of the heart, there was date carved into the locket that said:

20 December 1995

The date on the locket caught my attention. I wondered why the date was even printed there. What happened on that day? Why was it so significant? I also wondered who the young woman is in the photo, and if I was the little girl in the photo. There was a knock on the door, and I almost jumped when I heard it. I watched the door, and remained alert, until seconds later, the door opened. The one who knocked on the door was a young woman, wearing a white dress and I also noticed a white apron she was wearing that seemed to blend in. Her rectangular glasses were completely crooked, it looks as if it was about to fall off her face. Her face was completely dirty, and her crimson hair looked as if it were never brushed for weeks perhaps months. Her emerald eyes came into contact with mine, and said to me in a somewhat timid voice.

鈥淥h, you鈥檙e awake鈥?br>

I continued to stare at her, and said nothing.

鈥淲hat鈥檚 your name?鈥?said the woman, smiling lightly 鈥淢y name is Solana Frosty.鈥?br>

Unfortunately I didn鈥檛 have an answer to that question. I felt pretty stupid not knowing my own name, so I remained silent and continued to gaze at her.

鈥淯m, you don鈥檛 talk much do you?鈥?said Solana, timidly. 鈥淢y daughter Aiyana found you in the forest out cold so we took you in our home and we kept you warm and placed you in her room. Um鈥?. Are you feeling okay?鈥?br>

I nodded lightly, and whispered.

鈥淵es鈥?br>

鈥淚鈥檓 glad to hear it!鈥?said Solana, smiling brightly. 鈥淐ome downstairs, I made some breakfast. When you finished eating we can call your parents. How old are you by the way?鈥?br>

鈥淭-Tw-Twelve鈥?I answered a little unsure of myself.

鈥淥h that鈥檚 great!鈥?Said Solana insecurely 鈥淎iyana is just about you age- Well, perhaps. She鈥檒l be turning twelve in a few days, so I鈥檓 sure you two would get along just fine. Now please come downstairs for some breakfast. I didn鈥檛 expect you to be awake at this time. After breakfast we鈥檒l call your parents, they must be worried sick about you. So we鈥檒l just let them know that you鈥檙e okay鈥?br>

Solana turned around and left. Seconds later, I got up off the floor, where I was sitting, left the room and went down the stairs. After I reached the first floor, I heard a voice calling to me.

鈥淗ey, come over here! Come in the kitchen鈥?br>

I turned to where the voice is coming from. It was Solana and another girl who had long scarlet hair just like Solana鈥檚 in a kitchen. I walked inside the kitchen where the girl sat at a circular wooden table that was near a corner of the kitchen. The table had a large plate with a layer of pancakes on a plate and a bottle of maple syrup sitting there. I gagged at the odor of burnt food. The sink next to me was piled with dirty dishes. There were shards of broken glass on the white tile floors. I almost stepped on them, while I was still barefoot. Solana was near an oven holding a silver metal spatula, jumping and shrieking hysterically trying to put out the flames that bloomed from the stove just a second ago. I sat at the table where the girl sat. I gazed at her for a moment. The girl looked back at me and grinned.

鈥淥h hello,鈥?She said quickly, 鈥淒on鈥檛 mind my Mom, she鈥檚 very clumsy when it comes to housekeeping. As you can see, she鈥檚 not always the best cook. Although she鈥檚 very clumsy and careless, she has her moments. She鈥檚 only like this when she鈥檚 stressed out. It鈥檚 very typical for adults. Other than that she鈥檚 a great cook. Oh, I鈥檓 so sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I鈥檓 Aiyana.鈥?br>

Aiyana reached out her right hand towards me.

I looked at her hand. I wondered what she made that gesture for. I continued to stare at it.

鈥淲hat鈥檚 your name鈥?She asked.

My eyes were drawn from her hand to her face. It鈥檚 that question again. I was gnawing my bottom lip, trying hard to remember, but it was impossible. I gave Aiyana a light shrug. Aiyana frowned.

鈥淚 tried asking her the same thing,鈥?said Solana finally finished extinguishing the flames on the stove, 鈥渂ut she wouldn鈥檛 tell me. She must be shy, let鈥檚 give her some time to relax a bit. Aiyana pumpkin, go to the living room and find the phone. I think it鈥檚 time we call her parents. And turn on the computer on your way back here, and look up something on missing children鈥?br>

Aiyana looked at her mother and nodded. She got up off her chair and left the kitchen. Now my attention is drawn to Solana, who smiled at me, placed some pancakes on the plate in front of me and said,

鈥淧lease eat some pancakes, they鈥檙e really tasty. I don鈥檛 want you to go hungry. I鈥檒l give you a fork and a glass of orange juice.鈥?br>

Solana handed me a silver metal fork. She also grasped the bottle of maple syrup and poured its sticky brown contents on the plate of pancakes. I looked down to examine them.

鈥淗mm,鈥?said Solana. 鈥淚t seems that you have never tasted pancakes before. Just cut a piece off and eat it.鈥?

I looked up at Solana once more, remembering what Aiyana told me earlier, that she isn鈥檛 always the best cook. I assumed that these pancakes of hers would not taste very pleasant. I thought of Solana as a very kind person and the last thing I wanted to do is offend her. With my assumption set aside, I grabbed the fork. I cut off a piece of the pancake and placed it into my open mouth. I chewed slowly to. The food was soft and tasted sugary. While eating it I had this pleasant feeling, I assumed that the pancakes would taste horrible, but it was the opposite. I looked up at Solana again and smiled. Solana smiled back at me.

鈥淚鈥檓 glad you like it鈥?She said sweetly. 鈥淲ould you like some orange juice? You鈥檒l like this one, very natural.

Solana went to the refrigerator at the other side of the kitchen. She opened the door on the right. Reached in and pulled out a pitcher of some kind of yellowish substance, then she closed the door and placed the pitcher on the counter. She reached for the cupboard next to refrigerator for a clear glass cup. She took a cup from the cupboard and placed it on the counter as well. She poured the orange juice from the pitcher into the glass cup, and handed it to me. I looked into the cup of orange juice and saw something lumpy, there seems to be some foreign material inside.

鈥淥h don鈥檛 worry about the stuff in there,鈥?said Solana sweetly 鈥淭hat鈥檚 just the pulp, dear. It鈥檚 natural orange juice. The pulp happens to be very healthy. Go on just drink it!鈥?br>

I took a small sip of orange juice, despite the uncomfortable pulp rushing into my lips. It tasted pretty good.

Aiyana has just arrived in the kitchen holding a white cordless phone and handed it to me. I looked down at the phone, then who looked up at Solana, who nodded. I looked down at the phone again and pushed the green call button. There was a loud dial tone. I remained still trying to decide what button to press. The left side of my head ached. Random thoughts swirled into my head. I shut off the phone and placed it on the table. Aiyana and Solana exchanged looks, and then looked at me again.

鈥淓rm鈥︹€?said Solana nervously, 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 know your parents鈥?phone number?鈥?br> I shook my head lightly. Solana frowned.

鈥淯m鈥?okay鈥?she said, 鈥淲hat about parent last name?鈥?br>

I shrugged. Solana sighed.

鈥淲ow,鈥?said Aiyana, quickly, 鈥測ou must not remember anything at all. Mom, I think she has amnesia鈥?

I looked down at my feet and sighed. My entire face contracted and I clenched my fists firmly as if I was squeezing something. I took three slow deep breaths. Solana kneeled down next to me. I looked at her then she smiled sweetly.

鈥淥h, No worries,鈥?She said kindheartedly, 鈥測ou will get you memories back soon. You can stay with us if you鈥檇 like, if it鈥檚 okay with Aiyana, you can sleep in her room. Aiyana, take this girl to the office upstairs. You are going to the missing child registry. You are not to go on any other site. We are doing this to help her find her parents and pick up any information about her., not shop for 鈥渃ute boys鈥?on the internet. Do I make myself clear, young lady?鈥?br> Aiyana鈥檚 face turned red.

鈥淚 do NOT look at boys.鈥?She shouted, in an astounded tone 鈥淯gh, oh whatever.鈥?br>

Aiyana turned around and quickly left the kitchen. Then suddenly she stopped and turned to look at me.

鈥淲ell?鈥?she said, 鈥淎re you coming?鈥?

I got up and followed Aiyana up the stairs and into a hallway. We stopped at a door that was right next to Aiyana鈥檚 room. She opened it, and hit the switch, which caused the light to turn on. I felt slightly uncomfortable when I saw the room. The office is even messier than the kitchen. There were open books, open folders, and loose papers, most of them on the floor. The desk was cluttered with papers. The black chair seemed to have fallen over, with its back to the floor. The file cabinet in the very back of the room had all of its drawers open and it also seem to have tipped over. The fan on the ceiling was twirling at a rapid pace. If it wasn鈥檛 swinging and rocking so violently, it would have spun a little bit faster.

Aiyana was the first person to enter the office. She walked to the desk and pushed away some papers resting on it. Under the papers was a small black square, which had the logo 鈥淚n-Tech鈥?printed on it. She opened it. She also found some cords on the floor, and connected them to the machine. I walked into the office and sat on the floor. Aiyana looked at me and laughed.

鈥淒on鈥檛 mind this room either,鈥?she said, 鈥淢y mom is a journalist. A much respected one I might add. She鈥檚 a very messy person, as you can see. She鈥檇 clean the place up if she weren鈥檛 too busy with her deadlines, and her stories. She鈥檇 hire a maid to clean from time to time.鈥?

It took several minutes to set up the machine. She placed the chair into its proper position. She turned it on the machine, and turned to me once more.

鈥淕o on鈥?she said sweetly, 鈥淪it down.

I got up off the floor and sat on the chair. The machine Aiyana was setting up was actually a laptop computer. We finally reached the website, childregistry.gov. The arrow on the screen moved around slowly until it stopped on a link that said. Missing children.

If you have the patience, please read this story that I wrote! I know it's long. But tell me what you think?

i am not reading all that!

If you have the patience, please read this story that I wrote! I know it's long. But tell me what you think?

well, the story is pretty gud, bt wouldnt the people who found her or however you wanna say it be more urgent about finding out who she is, maybe even call someone to help?

If you have the patience, please read this story that I wrote! I know it's long. But tell me what you think?

Great long story. Star!!

If you have the patience, please read this story that I wrote! I know it's long. But tell me what you think?

Is this a children story? Im sorry I think its dumb...Im only 12. It sounds so boring.

If you have the patience, please read this story that I wrote! I know it's long. But tell me what you think?

uhhh......I aint read this....it's tooo long to read...

If you have the patience, please read this story that I wrote! I know it's long. But tell me what you think?

i read it all but it was all funny. dint make sense

i think the story went round the bush for nothing

is it named " much ado about nothing " ( lol )

If you have the patience, please read this story that I wrote! I know it's long. But tell me what you think?

WOW! Captivating! I want to read more! Please post the rest if you have it done yet!

If you have the patience, please read this story that I wrote! I know it's long. But tell me what you think?

um i don't get this? what is the point? is it that u were in a house with a bunch of missing children and u realized that u were never going to leave there? i mean i dunno.

If you have the patience, please read this story that I wrote! I know it's long. But tell me what you think?

I like the outline of it but you need to use more unusual adjectives/adverbs to make the story more interesting. You used "completely" to describe two things in two sentences in a row.

If you have the patience, please read this story that I wrote! I know it's long. But tell me what you think?

I think you have a great cliff hanger for a story...I was disappointed that it didn't have an ending...I wanted to know if the mystery of the initials L.R. would be solved....I think you should check with a publisher before someone steals your idea. I know some people from Xlibris...you should check their website....www.xlibris.com.

If you have the patience, please read this story that I wrote! I know it's long. But tell me what you think?

damn i'm kind of mad i really liked the story i sat here and read all that to not have an ending so what happens does she find her way home was it all a dream what the heck happens it was really good though there were a couple of parts that u need to go into a little more detail but u did a really good job r u a story telletr in college or something that's really good so if ur not u need to take it up u go girl good luck with what ever u were trying to gewt otu of this story/?

Choosing a laptop?

I'm asking this question again to get different/more responses.

I need YOUR help. I'm getting deployed to Iraq and I need a Laptop to take with me. The majority of my time will be spent watching movies (from DVD's AND downloading them), and playing games (probably also downloaded).

So I need something with a good graphic and sound card. It wouldn't hurt if is was fast on the internet either. I'm leaving a Price range out on this one. I don't want a cheap piece of $I#%26amp;

that's gonna make me pull what little hair I have out.

If you suggest an apple then you really need to back your opinion on that. I've never had an apple before and it may take some time for me to get used to the setup (and I need something that will be compatable with most software).

Thank you all for your time.

Choosing a laptop?

First, I would like to thank you for fighting for our country and wish you good luck. I have a Mac, and they're great computers. When I switched, it didn't take me long at all to get used to the setup. Software companies are making more and more software compatible with mac, and there are programs like Parrallels which allows you to run Windows software on a Mac. They run for about $70. Macs are more expensive, but they are also much more reliable and have great customer service. You may want to go with something like a Macbook Pro if you're playing games, they are also faster and have a bigger screen for watching videos. Good luck with whatever you choose and good luck in Iraq.

My bangs constantly give me a hard time. Can I get some advice on a proper way to style them?

I have side bangs and I've had them for a fairly long time now. I absolutely love the way they look, but they constantly give me problems. I have really wavy, puffy hair so I straighten it, but everytime I go to straighten my bangs, they do a variety of different things. Sometimes, they'll straighten pin straight and lifeless so they look like they're wet and gelled flat. I can't manage to fix them once that has happened. Or, if that doesn't happen, they get really piecey and stringy and you can see my forehead. I hate the way it looks when my bangs piece apart and you can see my foreheard. I have really, really long hair so can't be bothered to blow dry. That's the only difference I've noticed between the way I style my hair and the way my hair dresser does. Is that the key? Or am I missing something else/doing something wrong? Please help me! I'm getting so frustrated.

My bangs constantly give me a hard time. Can I get some advice on a proper way to style them?

when you blow dry your bang, blow dry roots first to the direction to the hair you want them to go. Them blow dry with blush or dry and flat iron them.

My bangs constantly give me a hard time. Can I get some advice on a proper way to style them?

HMM i HAVE A SiDE BANG T00.

buT iTS N0T T00 SH0RT 0R NETHiN.

WHAT Y0U CAN D0 iS...JUSS PUT Al0T 0F HAiRSPRAY 0R GEl...

0R PUT SPRAY N THEN STRAiGHTEN iT.

iT GiVES iT A bETTER L00k.

My bangs constantly give me a hard time. Can I get some advice on a proper way to style them?

I know this all to well, Having very thick naturally curly hair and wanting it to be straight using a straightener is the only way yet the bangs never seem to look right.

I started having my bangs layer sheered where they cut them in all diffrent lengths with a sheerer and my bangs seem to just naturally fall in place now without the straightener

My bangs constantly give me a hard time. Can I get some advice on a proper way to style them?

what i do is bobby pin my bangs back and then straighten them and rat them with a comb.

My bangs constantly give me a hard time. Can I get some advice on a proper way to style them?

You can try just blow drying your bangs since that's your problem. You can also try flat ironing. To keep the gelled look down apply a little gel with wet bangs..then blow dry, that should hold the unruly parts down.

My bangs constantly give me a hard time. Can I get some advice on a proper way to style them?

its all in the cut..go to a new hair dresser if they dont go the way you want them

Can sumone help me solve this case for my forensics class please!!...i need it for skewl 2mr and i c

INITIAL INVESTIGATIVE REPORT-Introduction to Case 96-3337

1. Case 96-3337

This R/O (Reporting Officer) was on routine patrol in the Everett, WA area. On December 9 at 1 a.m. I saw a light on in the Everett Warehouse. I investigated and found the door to the building open. When I walked into the warehouse I saw the body of a white male lying on the floor. There was blood on the floor and a gunshot wound in the head. A wallet was in his pants pocket with no money, but had driver's license with the name Ralph Voosen. A file cabinet drawer containing files of financial material was pulled open. A spent gun cartridge was on the floor. No other people were in the building. I called for back up and ambulance. Attempt to revive victim was not successful, and he was pronounced DOA at Catawba Hospital.

Officer J. Beach

2. Autopsy Report:

Name: Ralph Voosen

Description: White Male, 5'8", 180 lb. DOB 5/12/66

Brown hair, no facial hair or tattoos

Blood type A

Cause of death--massive hemorrhage in brain

Findings:

Bullet was in brain. No barium or lead was found on hands. There were skin cells under the fingernails of the victim.

Time of death is estimated to be between 11 p.m and midnight on Dec. 8.

Toxicology report: no alcohol or unusual material in blood.

Dr. P. J. Keeler, pathologist

3. Crime Scene Report

No fingerprints were found at the scene other than those of the deceased. Hair samples were taken in the room. Blood was sampled from victim and from the floor. Victim's clothes were taken and examined. A note was found in the right pants pocket which read "Meet me in your warehouse office at 11 p.m. tonight. We need to talk." The wallet contained a driver's license but no money. The victim had a set of keys with a front door key to the building, office key, house key and key to the victim's car.

Officer Glen Walker, Evidence Technician

4. CASE 96-3337: Interviews

Transcript of Interview with Pat Mayhew,102 15th St. NE, Dec. 9, 9 a.m.

Pat Mayhew is a white female, DOB 4/3/71

She has blond hair, blue eyes and is 5'6", 130 pounds

She works as a receptionist/bookkeeper for Mr. Voosen's company Compufix. Ms. Mayhew was very upset when she was told of Mr. Voosen's death. She said they were dating and had discussed marriage. On the night of Dec. 8 she went to dinner with the deceased from 7-9 p.m. The couple then came back to her house where they watched TV Mr. Voosen left around 10:30. He said he was going home to bed. No mention was made of going to the warehouse.

This R/O interviewed neighbors of Pat Mayhew on both sides of the street. The only neighbor home on Dec. 8 was Ellen Carolla, 104 15th St. NE

Interviewed on Dec. 9 10 a.m Mrs. Carolla has a clear view of the Mayhew driveway when her curtain is open. She said she saw a car drive up around 9 p.m. on Dec. 8 as a TV program was ending. She had her windows open and heard Ms. Mayhew and boyfriend Ralph Voosen in heated argument. Mrs. Carolla said she heard Ms. Mayhew say "You are such a loser and I wish I 'd never set eyes on you." The couple then went into Ms. Mayhew's house. Mrs. Carolla went to bed at 10 p.m. and did not see or hear Mr. Voosen leave.

5. CASE 96-3337: Interviews

Interview with Richard J. Barnes

1960 44th St. NW, Hickory

Partner with Mr. Voosen, the deceased in computer repair business called Compufix for 2 years.

Interviewed Dec. 9, 2 p.m.

Mr. Barnes is a white male, 150 lb. 5'10" DOB June 1, 1970, Brown hair, brown eyes

He had invested in 50% of the business with Mr. Voosen. He mainly traveled out of town to fix computers, leaving Mr Voosen to do some repair work in town on weekends and in the summer. The business was going very well, they had more work than they could keep up with. On the night of Dec. 9 he said he was home repairing computers and went to bed around 11 p.m. He has no witnesses to this.

6. CASE 96-3337: Interviews

Interview with Mr. Scott Stuckey, Co-worker at Everett Warehouse

3205 34th St. Dr. NE

Time of Interview: 8 a.m. Dec. 9

Mr. Stuckey confirmed that the deceased was employed as a Computer Analyst at the Everett Warehouse and that he also had a computer repair business on the side. Mr. Stuckey was a friend of the deceased and talked with him when they had breaks together. He said the deceased had been dating Pat Mayhew on a regular basis, and that before dating the deceased, Ms. Mayhew had dated Patrick Barnes, the partner in the business. He said that he couldn't imagine what Mr. Voosen was doing in the warehouse at the time of death. He could have come to get some files or financial records that he needed to redo for the warehouse. He did not know offhand of any enemies the deceased might have. He was not that familiar with the computer business and how it was going.

Officer J. Beach

7. Banking Information

Wachovia Bank Acct. 66208 321-00

Ralph Voosen

Transactions

December 6

Check to Compufix, Inc

4000.00

December 7

No transactions

December 8

Wachovia Visa Charge

Red Lobster, Everett, WA

26.42

9:01 p.m.

ATM Withdrawal

10:45 p.m.

300.00

8. LIST OF EVIDENCE--HANDOUT 2

Case 96-3337

Exhibit A-hair from deceased Ralph Voosen

Exhibit B-hairs from crime scene

Exhibit C-Hair from Pat Mayhew

Exhibit X-Hair from Richard Barnes

Exhibit D-Blood from crime scene

Exhibit E-blood from victim

Exhibit F-Blood from Pat Mayhew

Exhibit G-Blood from Richard Barnes

Exhibit I--Piece of note

Exhibit J-Pen from pocket of deceased

Exhibit K-Pen from purse of Pat Mayhew

Exhibit L- Pen from pocket of Richard Barnes

Exhibit M-DNA from cells found under fingernails of victim

Exhibit N-DNA from white blood cells of Pat Mayhew

Exhibit O-DNA from white blood cells of Richard Barnes

Exhibit P-wallet containing drivers license, ATM teller receipt

Can sumone help me solve this case for my forensics class please!!...i need it for skewl 2mr and i cant get it

Ok, I think I have the answer. Mr. Barns and Ms. Mayhew were in on it together. They each have the most to gain, and together they have even more motive. They were probably still seeing each other. It's just too convienent how perfectly Ms. Mayhew knows the exact times of everything and that she has an alibi which doesn't add up. The first clue is that they arrived at the house at about 9, while they were supposed to be eating. The neighbor said that she saw them come home at about nine because her show was ending. Shows don't end at exactly the hour, but usually about 10 minutes before. This would give Ms. Mayhew plenty of time to take the ATM card out of Mr. Voosen's wallet and give it to Mr. Barns. Mr. Barns could run out and create an alibi for Ms. Mayhew at Red Lobster. (Between Mr.Voosen's partner and girlfriend, I'm sure one of them knew his pin number).Ms. Mayhew wanted us to think they were eating out at Red Lobster to paint the picture of the perfect couple. Notice how she also said they talked about marriage. The biggest clue is that $26 is not enough for two people to eat nice dinners at Red Lobster, but it is enough for one person. Mr. Burns ordered the food (probably take-out) and asked for the check ASAP. Meanwhile, Ms. Mayhew and Mr. Voosen were having an argument. Yet, Mr. Barns was sure to use the ATM card at exactly 10:45 to give Ms. Mayhew an alibi. She knew to say that Mr. Voosen left at 10:30. At 11:00, Ms. Mayhew shot Mr. Voosen. Mr. Voosen faught back, hince the skin nder his nails. The neighbor didn't hear this because she was already asleep (Ms. Mayhew may have also used a silencer). Ms. Mayhew and Mr. Barns moved the body. They drove in seperate cars and got into the warehouse using Mr. Voosen's keys, left the note, left the gun clip (which wouldn't have any prints on it anyway), then wiped down the fingerprints from what they touched. Then they left the ATM receipt in his wallet to verify the alibi (keeping the money and ATM card). There is no real evidence there but because the body was moved. The blood will prove to also be his own. Had the murder taken place there, there would be signs of a strugle. Then the two rummaged through the files and left the gun crtridge, note and body there to make it look like it was someone related to his job at the warehouse, which would shift blame from either of them. Then they left the light on and waited for the body to be found.

The ways to prove this would be to (A) check the DNA under the fingernails and see that it belongs to Ms. Mayhew, (B) check at Red Lobster and see if man or a couple ordered the food, (C) see which pen wrote the note. It should be one of the three, and (D) look on the camera and see who took the money out of the ATM.

Can sumone help me solve this case for my forensics class please!!...i need it for skewl 2mr and i cant get it

first thing that sticks in my mind is the note....they can match the ink from ms. mayhew pin with the ink on the note...plus they can match the dna under the deceased finger nail and see if they match hers....

Can sumone help me solve this case for my forensics class please!!...i need it for skewl 2mr and i cant get it

Looks like you'll be missing some sleep tonight, doing the preparation you should have already done - or, conversely, just flunking...

Can sumone help me solve this case for my forensics class please!!...i need it for skewl 2mr and i cant get it

Ok is the neighbor sure of the time, cause the bill from red lobster was at 901, and she was watching a program ending at 9, they couldn't of been at the gf house then....and the atm transaction what happened to the money, but anyway the gf is lying

Can sumone help me solve this case for my forensics class please!!...i need it for skewl 2mr and i cant get it

He worked at the warehouse it was not his . so who took the $300.oo he got from the Atm Must have left the note in his pocket.? How far from resturant to her place?? and what did they have for dinner? that only cost $26.42/